Nano 2017 Lego Thing Party Twenty Nine

When Alex arrived at the Beanland, it was completely full.

His table was full. The outlet tables were all full. Even the comfy chairs that all awkwardly sit next to each other were all full.

A brief taste of sunshine had blanketed the town earlier in the morning, Apparently that was all it took to fill the usually-quiet early morning hours at the cafe.

Everyone in the shop was looking at a screen, except for two old women in one corner and a middle-aged couple that had just sat down with some drinks and food. But wait! The table next to the fire extinguisher was open!

Alex sighed and sat down next to the fire extinguisher. He’d done some of his best work with his head mere inches from the fire extinguisher, but this was obviously the least desirable seat in the entire shop. It did have an outlet tucked away next to it, but the table was wobbly and the red cylinder was a constant presence in the corner of your eye.

The middle aged man in the previously-mentioned couple was about to eat a pound cake he’d bought at the chain coffee shop around the corner. Alex smiled at the notion of someone buying cake elsewhere and then coming to Beanland for coffee.

“This cake is not fresh!,” yelled the man. “Look at this! It’s turning to powder right in front of my eyes.” He pushed the cake slightly away from himself on the table. “No. I will not eat this. I cannot eat this!”

Alex suppressed a giggle. The man continued. “This is just like what happened at that stupid chain place six years ago! I now remember why I vowed never to buy their cake again.”

Selena swooped over with a fresh bagel on a tray. “Sir, would you like to try one of our bagels free of charge?”

The man raised an eyebrow. He took the bagel. He poked it. He looked at it, inquisitively. He ripped it apart and it didn’t flake at all. “Impressive! Thank you!”

Selena nodded and went back over to the counter.

Alex opened his computer and logged in to his chat program. I know that’s antiquated and most people just use the chat functionality that’s built into some other web site or email system, but I’m an old person as far as computers go and I like the way this sounds better. 

“I only have two days left of this, counting this one,” said Alex to his internet friend.

“Wow, that’s not long to come up with an ending!”

Alex shook his head. “No it’s not. Maybe it’ll just end out of nowhere? I should at least try to make some exciting things happen. It’s writing. It’s a Lego world. Anything can happen!”

—

Sledge asked all of the other criminals in Lego City to meet him at the top of the City’s largest parking garage. The top floors were always vacant because the garage contained more spots than would ever be needed for the number of cars in the city.

Everyone was there. The weird bank robbing clowns. The men who only stole fish. The librarians. The school teachers. The…

Is this list right? *Looks over his shoulder* Do we have the right list here Larry, of the criminals? We do? You sure?

Okay then.

Sledge stood in front of the assembled crowd of villains and cars. He lofted forth the big diamond emerald whatever and the whole crowd cheered. “Today! Today we are going to change the CITY forever! We will all race from this end of the city, to the other, out into the countryside, and back here! The winner will receive this diamond or whatever it is!”

The entire place erupted in a roar of cheers.

—

Batman’s ears pricked up and he brought the Batmobile screeching to a halt. “I think I hear criminals cheering! Crime instincts are kicking in. Must stop crime. Must find Robin!”

Lego Batman poked the dashboard with one of his plastic claws. “Computer. Activate Robin Detector.” A screen started showing a blinking dot just a few blocks away. Batman quickly drove there and found everyone else, conveniently.

He leapt out of the car and into the middle of the assembled group. “Hello everyone, Batman is here.”

Robin and Frank Honey shouted “Yay Batman!,” in unison.

Lady Galadriel gave Batman the tiniest of bows. “Okay, we have the vehicle. Now we can begin the cloning process.”

Batman’s face twisted into a grimace. “The what now?”

Galadriel pulled forth a giant staff from nowhere in particular. “Behold fellow plastic people! This is Gandalf’s staff! I uh I took it from him while he was sleeping. And now I will use it to help us, so it’s totally okay that I stole it don’t think about it.”

She waved the staff around in the air and chanted Gandalf over and over. A haze of magical energy started to appear around the Batmobile. There was a loud explosion of sound and light, and suddenly several identical Batmobiles lined the street.

“Whoa!,” shouted Batman, “this is awesome! Do you do parties?”

“No I do not,” said Galadriel. “I have no need of simple mirth because I am everywhere.”

“Ah…,” said Batman, backing slowly away. “I assume that each of us will take one of these cars?”

“Yes,” said Galadriel. “There’s a small nameplate on each one to indicate who will drive.”

Catwoman looked up from her cell phone. “Okay everyone, the criminals are all on top of the big parking garage downtown. They’re about to start a race to see who will win my diamond I mean the city’s diamond. We have to stop them!”

“I don’t know how to drive!,” yelled Frank Honey.

“Then you will go with Robin,” said Galadriel.

Robin nodded. “I’ve never driven a car before, just a motorcycle and my own legs, but I’m sure this will be fine.”

“Okay everyone, remember, only me AKA Batman has the real Batmobile. The rest of you can drive these cool copies, but none of you are allowed to do anything as cool as Batman while doing that okay?”

Catwoman rolled her eyes. “Right Bruce, you don’t have an ego problem at all.”

Batman jumped up and down in rage. “How many times do I have to ask all of you people to stop calling me that?”

“Oh come on,” said Catwoman. “It’s not like anyone doesn’t know at this point. Besides, you’re super rich and you live in a house that’s basically a massive fortress. Who cares if everyone knows who you are? It works for Iron Man.”

“Okay Selena, fine!,” said Batman. He folded his arms in a huff.

“We don’t have time for this bickering,” said Galadriel. “Let’s go.”

Everyone assembled got into a Batmobile and drove off towards the big parking garage.

—

One of Sledge’s henchmen walked over to him. “Hey boss, who’s gonna start the race if we’re all in our cars?”

Sledge had to think fast. “No one will start the race! It has no rules other than following the route! Cause as much chaos as you want THE RACE STARTS NOW!”

Bedlam ensued. Criminals and librarians all sprinted around trying to get into their cars. They all sped off out of the parking garage. Lots of cars crashed into each other and instantly exploded into plastic bits and confused drivers sitting on the ground where a car once was.

About 80 percent of them made it out of the garage and onto the streets.

—

The Batmobiles arrived at the entrance to the garage just as all of the racers flew out of the entrance and onto the streets. A few of the cars crashed right into some of the Batmobiles and exploded into bricks, leaving the Batmobiles unharmed.

“Wow!,” shouted Robin. “These things are like tanks!”

“Yeah, that’s kind of weird and I think it defies the laws of physics,” said Frank Honey. “But since I started life as an adult that means I never went to high school  or anything and I never learned about physics. So this is all probably fine!”

Batman turned on his radio. “Okay everyone, let’s split up and flank the racers. We have to take them out on at a time until we find their leader Slordge.”

Catwoman rolled her eyes and pushed the button on her radio. “It’s SLEDGE, you dolt. Like the hammer.”

“Someone named their hammer Sledge? Why would they do that? What hammer?,” asked Batman.

“Let’s go!,” shouted Robin. He pushed the accelerator pedal and went tearing off right into the parking garage ramp.

“Yay! We’re going!,” shouted Frank Honey.

“I’ll focus on the leader,” said Galadriel. “I can feel his presence with my magical abilities. He has a very big diamond inside his car!”

“Yes he does!,” said Catwoman. “And I’m totally not planning on taking that from him when we stop all this horrible racing crime!”

The Batmobiles all tore off towards the racers.

—

Robin drove his car up several flights of the garage before finally coming to a stop. “I feel like we might not be going the right way?,” he asked, turning sheepishly to Frank Honey.

Frank smiled. “That’s okay! We’re still doing good and we can go a different way now if we want to. That’s the magic!”

“The magic?,” asked Robin.

Frank nodded.

Robin turned the car around and drove it off the side of the parking garage. The Batmobile sailed gracefully through the air, automatically activating several cool stabilization devices and gliding features. It landed harmlessly on the road.

Frank Honey punched several of the buttons inside the car, saying “Beep beep beep boop” as he did so. A display came on with several flashing lights, and one big obnoxious Batman logo. “Hey look! There’s everyone! Let’s go that way!”

Robin pressed down on the gas pedal and on they went. “I hope we don’t miss out on the excitement!,” shouted Robin. “I like to shout everything I say because it makes me feel more excited!”

“Me too!,” shouted Frank.