NaNo 2017 Lego Thing Part Thirteen
Batman was sobbing on the floor at the loss of his precious Batmobile.
Catwoman picked him up and struck him across the face a couple of times, spinning his head fully around on the socket. “Get yourself together, man! You have like, a million vehicles in here! We could each take a vehicle and you’d still have enough modes of transportation for an additional 2000 heroes to take.”
“But none of them are my cool car,” said Batman. “Some of them fly and some of them go on the water, but that’s the only one that has wheels and rolls on the ground like a cool tank only Batman. Like a tank made from Batman. You know what, I should rename it the bat tank.”
“Oh yeah,” said Natalia, “cause that’ll win you more favors from the Lego City Police Department. Remind me again why you decided to move here instead of staying in your home in Lego Gotham?”
Catwoman grinned at this sentence. “Yes Bruce, why don’t you tell us what happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” said Lego Batman, folding his arms in front of himself.
“I can’t help but notice that you keep calling Batman ‘Bruce,’ when his name is clearly Batman,” said Robin. “Maybe it’s a coincidence or some cool nickname I’m not aware of or—“
“Well, at least he’s dense just like you,” said Catwoman.
“Look!,” said Batman. “The Batmobile is my coolest thing, okay? I’m not Batman without a cool car.”
“We don’t have time to psychoanalyze you, honey,” said Ellie. “We need to track down that strangely-helmeted man! And I still kind of want to blast you.”
Batman went flipping over to Ellie. “That’s a very cool canon thing you have there, where did you get it?”
“I built it myself, you big dork,” said Ellie.
Everyone heard a vehicle pull up in the distance. Chase and Frank Honey came running down the big driveway inside the bat cave. Frank had a smile on his face during the whole run.
“Oh boy oh boy oh boy!,” said Frank Honey. “It’s just like the one I used to read about when I was a kid, or rather, the one I would have read about as a kid if Lego people actually ever were kids, but we are not! We can only be adults or children, and never the twain shall meet! And yet I have memories of my childhood, oh no this is troubling!”
Chase ignored Frank’s ramblings. “Hey everyone!,” he said. He noticed Catwoman. “Aha! We found you! Well that was easy, and we didn’t even have to fight the clowns. Okay Frank, call Chief Dunby and tell him that the mission is over.”
“That took both less time and more time than I thought it would,” said Frank.
Natalia walked over to Chase. “What are you two dunderheads doing here?,” she asked. “Get lost on your way to the balloon convention or something.”
“Why no!,” shouted Chase. “I’m surprised at you, is that any way to talk to an old friend—“
“There’s a BALLOON CONVENTION???,” shouted Robin and Frank Honey in unison.
—
It was Balloon Day at Beanland. Selena had enjoyed the sales spikes from her various themed days, so she was trying to see how long she could keep the madness train rolling. She’d gone down to Balloons and Spoons and had some balloons printed up with the Beanland logo on the side of them. As she predicted, they were a big hit with the patrons who had kids.
“These themed days are getting a little ridiculous,” typed Alex to his friend online. “It’s like watching the same mediocre joke play out over and over again. I’m weirdly captivated to see how long this will go on.”
“Do you think she’ll do anything big for the holidays?,” asked Alex’s friend.
“Oh no of course not,” typed Alex. He took a sip of his coffee. “Beyond Peppermint drinks, I don’t think Selena is really into the kind of decorating it would take to successfully ‘pull off’ the holidays in this town. People have pretty big expectations. There are three competing Christmas Tree Lighting ceremonies in town this year.”
“You’re joking.”
“I’m not! When the second one popped up I thought it was ridiculous, but when the third one popped up I realized it was fate. Now I assume we’re going to get a new one every year or two. Each organization wants to be the one to truly ‘own’ a lit-up tree, and nothing will convince them that they don’t have the absolute best tree in the town.”
—
“It was a joke, you guys,” said Natalia. “There’s no Balloon Convention.”
Robin and Frank Honey looked crestfallen.
A flash of light blinded the group and so appeared Lego Sherlock Holmes, holding the orb of time in his hand. “My goodness and all what!,” he shouted. He took a look around and tried to take stock of the situation. “It seems I am in some sort of vehicle storage facility. It is poorly lit and strangely covered in bat iconography.” He took a look at the group of people standing there. “And it may also be an asylum.”
“SHERLOCK HOLMES!,” yelled Frank Honey. He ran over and gave Sherlock a hug, nearly knocking the orb of time out of his hand, even though it was fully snapped into his plastic claw.
“My goodness, young man, please do get ahold of yourself!,” shouted Sherlock. “I am pleased at your enthusiasm for what I presume is your knowledge of my exploits, but I don’t usually like to be touched by other people.”
“All right!,” shouted Batman, doing some backflips over to Lego Sherlock. “A man after my own heart!”
Frank Honey let go of Sherlock Holmes, and now had a look of joy on his face at being surrounded by two of his detective heroes.
“My goodness,” said Sherlock. “What are you supposed to be!”
“I’m Batman,” said Lego Batman. “And we have a place for those orbs around here. Heee yah!,” he shouted, knocking the orb of time out of sherlocks hand. It bounced around and then fell down under the floor grating to join the rest of the power orbs somewhere in the cave below.
“Well good,” said Catwoman. “Now Batman has knocked the obviously impurrrtant orb down into the ether, and we’ll never get it back.”
“It’s pretty easy to get down there actually,” said Batman. “I’ve got a whole cool system of tunnels filled with cleaning robots. I had Wayne Enterprises build them for me with some of their spare billions of dollars. Those robots should have the orbs picked up in no time.”
“It says here in my book that we all eventually win and that no one was sure if the Wizard was a good guy or a bad guy,” said Frank Honey.
Everyone slowly turned and blinked at Frank in mild bemusement. “What are you talking about, Frank sweetie?,” asked Ellie.
“Well, it seems that at some point in the future I write this book about the past, and then somehow I was able to steal it from the library, even though I don’t have a library card or any memory of writing it,” said Frank. “But I’m pretty sure that I’ll write it someday and that it’s some sort of *mystical guide* that I should base my entire life around!.” Frank waved his hands mysteriously in the air.
“That’s the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever heard, let me see that kid,” he said, swiping the book from Frank’s hands.
“Batman just *accosted* me!,” said Frank with a grin. “Cool!”
“Well I just don’t know what okay you know this is sort of weird,” said Batman. “This book has this entire conversation we’ve been having up until now written in it, and even the words I’m saying RIGHT NOW. Are in here. Rutabaga. Cheese sauce. I’m Batman. Whoa. Get away from me demon mind book!” Batman threw the book down the floor. “I think this book is probably broken.”
“So!,” said Sherlock Holmes. “It seems that we have a book that tells the future, a curious collection of people all with various skills and qualities, some mysterious orbs that I haven’t yet ascertained the importance of but which appear to hold great power, and if I’m not mistaken, a common enemy which binds us all together?”
“Yes,” said Catwoman. “His name is Sauron. He has a weird helmet and he just stole Batman’s car. We were just about to chase him down.”
“I too have seen this Sauron,” said Sherlock Holmes, pulling out his pipe to gesture with. “He appeared holding that very orb you just threw under your floor, making some wild claims about taking over the Universe or some such rot. I wasn’t really paying attention to be honest. At the time I was trying to get some people on a train to commit a murder. A most unpleasant but necessary business!”
—
Selena blinked. “Would you like a Beanland balloon? I still have one left over from yesterday.”
“You know what,” said Alex, “I would! I thought the whole thing was a bit silly yesterday, but now that it’s no longer balloon day I’d be happy to accept one just for its ironic collectible value.”
“Okay great,” said Selena, not really listening after Alex had said yes. “I’m sick of these things. I hope I never see another balloon, hear another balloon, or see my own logo ever again. Themed days are over.” She rummaged around behind the counter in a drawer and the balloon suddenly sprang out, its helium bringing it to life like some sort of jack in the box. “Here you go.”
“Thank you!,” said Alex, tying the string around his wrist like a kid. “I’m glad to hear that you’re stopping the themed days. I enjoy the usually dull nature of this coffee shop.”
“I aim to please,” said Selena.
