“Are you back at the Beanland this morning?,” asked Alex’s internet friend.

“Sadly no,” Alex replied, sipping on his machine-produced mocha at the chain place full of outlets. “I walked in there and got a face full of Dave. I decided that I didn’t want to deal with that again, so I came back to the chain place. It’s not so bad. It’s really busy though and I don’t feel that comfy.”

“Oh yeah, sounds like a treat,” said his friend.

“I hope that no one is expecting this story to have an ending.”

“Hah, what do you mean? Won’t you get to the end of the book at some point? You’re a little over halfway, only a half a month to go.”

“That’s just it,” typed Alex in-between sips. “I have literally zero plan for this. I’m just going to get to the end of my time at some point, and then it’s going to have to end, and that’ll be it. I’ll try and make it dramatic, but I’m literally writing newer chapters just sort of based on what I’m thinking about at the time, and what happened in the previous chapter. And that’s kind of it.”

“Well, I’m sure it’ll work out just fine.”

Alex looked around the room. He saw the usual assortment of business people who were on a “lunch break” but still totally working, young people trying to look cool in front of other people and…Selena eating a donut?

“Be right back, the game is afoot!,” typed Alex.

“What are you talking about? Have you been thinking about Sherlock Holmes again?”

“No, I mean I have a literal reason to actually use that saying! Selena is in this coffee shop. The chain coffee shop. Eating a donut.”

“Maybe she just wanted a donut. Sometimes people want donuts.”

“She’s supposed to be *sick* though, and resting, and all that. And she inflicted *Dave* upon her shop in the meantime. And it’s no good.”

“Don’t you dare be mean to her. I bet she totally just wanted a donut.”

“Oh I won’t be mean. I fully support the having of donuts. But my curious mind must know!” Alex closed his computer and walked over to Selena’s table.

Selena looked up from her donut and blinked once. “Hi.”

“Hey there! I’m really sorry I’m bugging you like this. That’s…that’s a pretty nice-looking donut.”

Selena blinked. “Why don’t you sit down so this isn’t so awkward?”

“Okay,” said Alex. He sat down and looked out the window.

“You came over here to tell me that Dave is terrible, didn’t you?”

Alex grinned a weird sheepish grin. “Haha no of course not yes I did.”

“You’re the fifth person so far this morning,” said Selena. She took a bite of her donut. “He’s doing such a bad job that even *I* can’t face going in there today, and I own the place. I just wanted to take a couple of days off. I’ve been working seven days a week.”

“Well no one could blame you for that,” said Alex.

“Dave is such an idiot,” said Selena, unprompted. “I don’t know what made me think he could help out at Beanland. He promised me he had changed. But all he’s done is tell every customer about drones and other stupid shit, and he doesn’t know how to make half of the drinks.”

“Are you going to get him out of there?”

Selena nodded. “I absolutely am. Right after I finish this donut. I didn’t want to let him *totally* ruin my time off. Don’t worry, you won’t be seeing Dave ever again. I’m also hiring if you know anyone who’s interested. Also also, promise me you won’t ever come back to this place.” Selena looked around the room and shuddered. “It has outlets *everywhere.*”

“You’re making fun of me, aren’t you?”

“Yes I am,” said Selena. “It’s pretty easy.”

“Your coffee is better. I’ll be back there tomorrow.”

—

The Lego Batman Robot went swirling through time and space, unsure of where he would land. He was unsure of just about *everything* in his existence, because his AI wasn’t very good. Batman might be a detective and a crimefighter, but he’s no AI programmer. The Batman Robot had basic patrolling functions, and could pick stuff up…but a critical thinker, he was not.

The swirling and the falling stopped, and the Robot found himself on a small island. There was a wizard standing next to him, and a weird man in a helmet nearby on a pirate ship. The wizard was looking down into a treasure chest.

“Hello!,” said the Wizard down into the treasure chest. 

“H…hello?” said a strange voice from somewhere underneath the ground.

The Batman Robot felt like something had just gone very wrong.

Sauron, seeing the arrival of the robot carrying two of the orbs of power, knew that this was his big chance. He leapt off of the pirate ship, ran up to the robot, and knocked it over. The Orb of Fire stayed in the robot’s hand…but the orb of time flew into the air. Sauron grabbed it, murmured some words, and disappeared in a flash of blue light.

The Wizard looked up from the treasure chest after hearing the noise and noticed the Batman robot for the first time. “Oh my goodness! I didn’t see you there! Who are you?”

“I’m Batman.”

“Greetings Batman!,” said the Wizard. “I’m about to descend into this treasure chest, would you like to join me?”

“Uh. Sure?”

The Batman Robot and the Wizard descended into the treasure chest. The Wizard was oblivious to what Sauron had done, and the Robot wasn’t equipped with enough vocabulary skills to tell him.

—

Coming this summer, the most exciting Lego movie you’ve ever seen! From the makers of The Lego Movie, The Lego Batman Movie, and The Lego Ninjago Movie, comes a new totally awesome movie called…The Lego Movie Set In Fictional Ancient Space Egypt.

Join four mysterious strangers, and also a random Wizard and a Robot That Looks Like Batman and won’t let go of an Orb, as they go on an adventure in Space Egypt. That hit location from such awesome films as Gods of Egypt and many others now comes to life in LEGO form. See your favorite stars as they make jokes and build things and work in a totally family-friendly message that’s not as good as the one in the original Lego Movie!

You’ll laugh! You’ll cry! You’ll wonder what a Wizard and weird Batman Robot are doing there and you’ll never find out! It’s The Lego Movie Set In Fictional Ancient Space Egypt, this Summer!

The screen goes dark…but then it comes back up and reveals your favorite Star Wars and Lord of the Rings Characters!!!

“Bahahaha,” says Sauron. “I’m not only taking over the universe and remaking it in my own image, I’m taking over movies too!”

—

Alex walked into the Beanland, and could already feel an improvement in the atmosphere. Selena was back behind the counter. And there was no sign of Dave.

“I’ll have a medium mocha please,” said Alex.

“Have that out for you in a bit,” said Selena. 

Alex walked over and put his stuff down on his usual table. He decided, for some reason, to peruse the bulletin board of local events in town. He noticed a sign he’d never seen before: a small fake wanted poster with Dave’s face on it, slightly obscured with a blurry filter.

“Wanted: This Local Barista who is obsessed with drones. His crime? Being stupid.”

“Mocha’s ready for Alex!,” yelled Selena from the counter. Alex walked over to grab it.

“I like your new sign over there.”

“I figured I had to do something. I didn’t end up having to fire him. He quit. He told me he was going to move to the bay area, and couch surf for a while trying to get a job with one of his buddies who runs an app company.”

“Nice,” said Alex. He walked back over to his table.

“Excuse me,” said the lady who was now at the front of the customer line. “Why aren’t you playing Christmas music in here?”

Selena blinked at her. “It’s not even Thanksgiving yet. We don’t do that. If you need that, go to the chain place around the corner. The door’s behind you and last I checked, it still worked. But our coffee is better and fifty cents cheaper per cup.”

—

“Batman stands alone on his vigil…with one robot holding a couple of orbs. There was never more than one robot here, and everything was totally fine and normal and good.”

—

Frank Honey, Chase McCain, and Robin were all crammed into Robin’s tiny motorcycle and sidecar.

“I’m not sure why we couldn’t have taken a larger vehicle!,” shouted Chase over the noise of the air rushing by.

“This is my motorcycle and I like it!,” yelled Robin.

Frank Honey was flipping through the book that he had apparently written. “Guys, I’m worried about this book, it seems like the words might be changing? Ooooh! Maybe it’s a magical book!”

Robin put the brakes on hard, nearly sending them all tumbling off of the bike. A whole line of clowns stood blocking their path. One of them was holding a Space Laser Gun.

“Hello unsavory characters!,” said Robin. “This is going to be fun! Get ready you guys, we’re about to get a cool Laser Gun.”

“I had a laser pointer once,” said Frank. “But my parents took it away from me because I kept using it to point at things, and they said laser pointing was rude.”

“You there!,” yelled Chase, stepping off the bike. “I’ve arrested you weird clowns a couple of times before, and I’m here to do it again!”

“I don’t think so,” said the clown with the Space Laser.